Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
