He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A bitchslap is in order.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
