Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
