I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
