I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
