Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
