was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am naked and annoyed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
