You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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