Your mouth is God's brothel.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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