I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
