Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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