Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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