Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
