can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
