It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
