I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
