I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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