I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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