I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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