Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
