Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
