My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
