Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
