i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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