the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
