Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You took a bar mat shot.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
