Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
