He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
