My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
