i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
