did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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