i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
how does that bad decision feel?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Come on in and take your pants off
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