I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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