On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
