i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
