I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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