Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I cannot find my penis.
Your dad touched me again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
