That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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