I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
