I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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