I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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