I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
