70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
