Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
