It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
