im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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