we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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