One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
