just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
