like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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