You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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