if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
