Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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